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The Dracula Diaries 

Day 199,435...Later

Lucifer gestured expansively at the map. “The world is your oyster,” he told me.

 

“What do you mean?” Why would I be going anywhere?

 

“You can’t retire in Hell,” Lucifer explained. “So consider this another retirement present. You and Anastasia can settle anywhere in the world. Just say the word.”

 

I got up from toddler chair to study the map. It took some wiggling and the chair got caught on my arse a time or two, but I eventually made it to my feet. Anywhere in the world, eh?

 

I peered at the display. Eastern Europe was right out. Too many people likely knew the name of Vlad Draculesti or my moniker Vlad the Impaler. Come to think of it, we might want to rule out all of Europe and probably a good chunk of Asia, since I’d been a, uh, guest of Mehmet II in Istanbul.

 

“Can you zoom in on this?” I asked, pointing to what read as North America.

 

Lucifer obliged, framing the continent between his hands and pulling them outward. Immediately North America grew larger. I stared more closely at the map that had suddenly become much more segmented.

 

“What is this?” I asked.

 

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest as he explained. “You likely didn’t know about this land when you were alive. It was considered the New World several centuries ago. It’s now one of the most powerful nations in the world, though for how much longer is anyone’s guess.” He tipped his chin. “I have some people up there doing good work.”

 

“May I?” I asked, gesturing to the map. Lucifer waved me on.

 

I stepped closer, widening the map further. I could see mountain ranges and rivers. Anastasia wouldn’t want to be anywhere in the mountains—too many unpleasant memories. I certainly didn’t want to be anywhere high, giving her propensity to fling herself off of high places.

 

Perhaps somewhere flat? Warm as well. Not to rainy. And somewhere with a lot of sun—it had been centuries since Anastasia or I had seen the sun.

 

I gave my parameters to Lucifer. He nodded.

 

“Might I suggest Florida then,” he said. “It’s big with retirees. It’s warm, has a lot of sunlight, and doesn’t really get cold unless you are very far north, and even then it rarely gets a dusting of snow. It would be a good location for you and Anastasia.”

 

I made Florida bigger. It was shaped like the handle to something, sort of like a sword hilt. I could get behind that shape. Very martial. Powerful. I eliminated the part of Florida at the top that would be near the guard of the sword and focused my attention to the middle and lower part of Florida.

 

Orlando. No, I do not like that name. Citrus Springs, no. Palm Beach? Also no. It does not strike the right feeling in my chest. Miami? Key Largo? Why do these sound Spanish?

 

Then I found it. The name intrigued me.

 

“Boca Raton,” I said.

 

Lucifer smiled. “It means the ‘mouth of the rat.’”

 

“Perfect.” I nodded. “Anastasia and I will retire in the Mouth of the Rat.”

 

Lucifer clapped his hands and the map disappeared. “Excellent, Vlad. I couldn’t have picked a better place for you. Let’s tell your wife the good news and get you a realtor.”

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